Nicolas Cage in: Gone in 60 Seconds

Gone in 60 Seconds

Released in 2000 ▪ Review posted February 2, 2014

I can still remember the last one

But this time will be different

Until I do it again

Phish, “Kill Devil Falls”

Gone in 60 Seconds is a remake of Gone in 60 Seconds, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. It’s unnecessary. The remake is so much more vapid and watered-down than the original, it seems like Hollywood just wanted any movie as long as it had epic car chases. It took no work to write that script, which is why we keep getting more Fast & Furious movies.

Although I remember liking this movie when I saw it with my friend Dan when it came out in 2000, rewatching this movie today was pulling teeth. Burger King used to have a promotion where they would make you a burger with as many layers of meat, bacon, and cheese as you wanted. Whenever we drove by I would always joke that I wanted a burger with bacon, bacon, bacon, meat, bacon, cheese, bacon, meat-meat-meat, cheese, meat-bacon-meat, cheese, bacon-bacon, cheese, meat, and bacon. Gone in 60 Seconds is that in movie form: stereotype joke, violence, car chase, violence, stereotype joke, stereotype joke, violence, car chase, car chase, car chase.

The pacing is rushed. Nobody seems to be interested in what they’re doing. Cage makes an attempt, but ultimately his performance is flaccid, hanging from the screen like a soft penis. There is a great car chase at the end but, as Cage’s skull isn’t on fire, it seems lacking by recent comparison.

People always accuse Nic of taking bad roles just for the money, and honestly, this is the first time I’ve stumbled across an actual example of it. I can think of no way to rationalize his involvement with this movie other than the paycheck. For one thing, the subject isn’t something that typically interests him. Also, he’s only been in two other remakes, one of which was horrible. The things that Nic repeatedly says in interviews he’s drawn to—e.g., creative stories, layered portrayals of complex characters, motorcycles, and comic books—are completely absent from the movie. It’s totally passion-free. It’s almost as bad as Season of the Witch. Almost.

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